Experiment 1

Researchers often use a method called an experiment in order to study the causes of human and animal behavior. Design such an experiment based on a change in behavior you have observed in yourself or your roommates this past semester (e.g., eating or sleeping habits, exercise regime, game playing, etc.). Select a behavior that you are particularly interested in studying, and then design the experiment to investigate a possible cause of that behavior. Address the following questions.
What is the hypothesis you will test in your experiment?
What are the independent and dependent variables?
Who will be the subjects or participants in your study?
What are the experimental and control group conditions? Here, you may assume that you have the resources necessary to conduct your experiment and that you can control, or manipulate, the environment of your subjects as necessary. For example, suppose your hypothesis is as follows: Higher levels of stress from a heavy course workload increase eating activity. Assume that you have the ability to control the workload, etc., of your subjects.
How will you assign your subjects to groups?
What are the possible results of your study, and what might these results indicate about your hypothesis?
In a multi-paragraph essay, describe your experiment and explain how you will conduct this experiment to test your hypothesis. Be sure to propose your hypothesis, and then describe the independent and dependent variables, the experimental and control conditions, the subject or participant groups, and the conclusions you can draw based on the results of your experiment. Include information from class materials and readings to support your discussion.

Revision Goal 1: Understand the purpose, audience, and task.
1. Read the writing assignment. Underline the topic (what your essay will be about) and the purpose (why you are writing).

2. Read your essay. To clearly address your audience, identify places in your writing where you have included or need to include relevant details to make your ideas clearer and more convincing for the audience.

Example:

Topic: Write an essay about a person whom you look up to and admire.

I wrote about my Aunt Sophie because I look up to her, and she has taught me important life lessons.

Purpose: Explain why you chose this person, what qualities you admire about this person, and how this person has influenced you.

I explained why I chose Aunt Sophie, the qualities I admire about her, and how she has influenced me. I will use details such as examples and stories to explain these.

Audience: General readers who do not know my aunt.

I included important details about my aunt’s life and my admiration for her that I think will be convincing and informative for community leaders.

Revision Goal 2: State the controlling idea of your essay.
1. Include a thesis statement in your introductory paragraph. The thesis statement should communicate the controlling idea of your essay and your point of view or argument.

2. If you did not include a thesis, write one now in the introduction to your essay.

Example:

Before Revision: My Aunt Sophie plays the piano beautifully. Every Sunday when I visit her, I sit beside her on the piano stool while she plays classical music.

A student’s strategy: I have written details about my aunt, but I did not write a sentence that states my point. I need to add one now.

After Revision: I admire my Aunt Sophie because she is a talented musician, a great music teacher, and a wonderful cook.

This student’s reflection on the revision: I added a sentence that clearly states what I will prove: I admire my Aunt Sophie for three reasons.

Revision Goal 1: Include evidence to explain the controlling idea of your essay.
1. Underline evidence that explains or supports your thesis statement. If you did not include at least three supporting ideas as evidence, include them now.

Example:

Before Revision: I admire Aunt Sophie for a lot of reasons.

A student’s strategy: This type of general statement needs to be expanded with several more specific examples.

After Revision: Aunt Sofie plays the piano skillfully and is self-taught. She cares and teaches her students about life as well as History. What I value most about my favorite aunt is that she cooks healthy, yet delicious meals that make us salivate.

This student’s reflection on the revision: I added specific examples and can use these statements as topic sentences in the body paragraphs.

Revision Goal 2: Use details to explain and illustrate the evidence.
1. Underline the supporting ideas in the body paragraphs.

2. Add important details to explain and illustrate each supporting idea. Details include examples, facts, brief narratives, or explanations.

Example:

Before Revision:

Thesis: Inequality between men and women is a prevalent problem in America today that is illustrated in economics, social interactions, and politics.
Supporting ideas (topic sentences for the body paragraphs):

Economic disparity between the sexes is a common obstacle that women must face.

Social interactions highlight the inequality between men and women.

There are still far more men in leadership roles, despite the fact that women make up a larger percentage of the population than men.

A student’s strategy: The topic sentences prepare the reader for the three supporting ideas of the essay, so now I must explain each in more detail, starting with the first point, to make my argument stronger.

After Revision (the first supporting idea): In some jobs, women still make less than men even though they may hold the same positions. My aunt, who was the VP of a chemical engineering plant, makes two-thirds of the salary of a man holding the same position. Her company has given her no clear indication of whether this legal, but points to her male peer’s additional year of field experience as one reason for the disparity.

This student’s reflection on revision: I added details about the first example by way of statistics and an explanation of a personal example about her coworker. I will add detail about the other two supporting ideas as well.

Revision Goal 1: Develop your thesis with effective body paragraphs.
1. A body paragraph should focus on one supporting idea and include a topic sentence and supporting details.

Example:

Before revision: Politicians and legislators can decide the fate of many of our natural resources and beautiful formations by voting on policies like road and building construction. By electing a politician who believes in the importance of preservation efforts, a voter is helping. For example, anyone who voted for Theodore Roosevelt elected a man who discouraged any kind of construction in and around the Grand Canyon: “I [Roosevelt] hope you will not have a building of any kind, not a summer cottage, a hotel, or anything else, to mar the wonderful grandeur, the sublimity, the great loneliness and beauty of the canyon.” He was acting on his own beliefs, which are reflective of the beliefs of his supporters: the voters. He was a great president! Another thing citizens can do is write to their local and state legislators to voice their opinions on the passing of a bill.

A student’s strategy for revision: I should include a topic sentence that clarifies the supporting idea of this body paragraph. If I have several supporting details, I should also delete any ideas that are not relevant to the supporting idea of the paragraph.

After Revision: Playing an active role in politics is part of an individual citizen’s role in protecting the environment. Politicians and legislators can decide the fate of many of our natural resources and beautiful formations by voting on policies such as road and building construction. By electing a politician who believes in the importance of preservation efforts, a voter is helping. For example, anyone who voted for Theodore Roosevelt elected a man who discouraged any kind of construction in and around the Grand Canyon: “I [Roosevelt] hope you will not have a building of any kind, not a summer cottage, a hotel, or anything else, to mar the wonderful grandeur, the sublimity, the great loneliness and beauty of the canyon.” He was acting on his own beliefs, which are reflective of the beliefs of his supporters: the voters. Another thing citizens can do is write to their local and state legislators to voice their opinions on the passing of a bill.

This student’s strategy for revision: I have deleted my opinion about Roosevelt (“He was a great president!”) because it is not connected to the other ideas in the paragraph. Also, I have created a topic sentence that summarizes what the entire paragraph is about and placed it at the start of this body paragraph.

Revision Goal 2: Develop a good introduction for your essay.
1. At the end of your introduction, you should include a thesis statement that tells your readers what your essay will be about and what your opinion is about the subject. Underline this sentence in your essay. If you do not have one, write one now.

2. You also need to grab your readers’ attention in the introduction with a “hook.” Make the first sentence of your introduction a question, a quotation, or an interesting fact or statistic that will interest the reader.

Example:

Before Revision: Aunt Sophie can play the piano well. She practices every day for hours.

A student’s strategy: I need to grab my readers’ attention with a more interesting start to the essay.

After Revision: Do you know someone so special to you that you would do anything for him or her? My Aunt Sophie is very special to me, and I admire her for many reasons.

This student’s reflection on the revision: I grabbed my readers’ attention by asking them a question about my topic that they could relate to their own lives.

Revision Goal 1: Understand your purpose and audience.
1. Define your purpose or reason for writing. If it is not clearly stated in the writing task, assume that the purpose is to inform, and thus your style should be informative, direct, and clear.

2. Define your audience. If it is not clearly stated in the writing assignment, assume that the audience is an academic audience, and thus your style should be semi-formal or formal.

Example:

Topic: Critique the country that you live in.

Purpose: To evaluate or make judgments about the laws, customs, or policies of my country.

Audience: Since none is clearly stated, I can imply from the topic and from my purpose that the readers may be an academic audience, specifically in the field of history or politics.

Revision Goal 2:Choose your words carefully.
1. Underline the words or phrases you repeat and replace them with synonyms or change the structure of the sentence to make your point. Use the thesaurus to help you choose precise synonyms.

2. Refer to your five senses (sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste) to describe your details and ideas. Use the word bank on the student workpage to choose sensory words.

Example:

Before Revision: Every day, Keith practices piano. Keith plays the piano in the morning and at night. I love the way Keith plays the piano.

A student’s strategy: I need to replace words that I used more than once. I also need to refer to my five senses to add more detail to my essay.

After Revision: Every day, my friend Keith practices on the shiny, black baby grand piano in his living room. He practices scales and chords for two hours in the morning and then plays classical music and show tunes for two hours at night. I love the way the soft, calming music fills the air when my friend plays.

This student’s reflection on the revision: I revised words that I repeated and restructured the sentences. I also added more details about the piano by describing the way it sounds and looks.

Revision Goal 1: Read your writing aloud or have someone else read it to you so you can hear your mistakes and correct them.
Example:

Before editing: She is defiantly going to make the trip.

A student’s strategy: I will read each sentence aloud to catch errors I may not pick up just by reading on the computer.
After editing: She is definitely going to make the trip.

This student’s reflection on the edits: I noticed that I used the wrong word in my sentence. I did not notice that error when I was just editing silently.

Revision Goal 2: Make sure each sentence has a subject and a verb.
Example:

Before editing: Aunt Sophie on the piano.

A student’s strategy: This statement does not have an action. I need to add a verb to make this fragment a sentence.

After editing: Aunt Sophie plays the piano beautifully.

This student’s reflection on the edits: I added a verb to make the fragment a complete sentence.